Crash Landing
by BlueBassist
Summary: If a jet crashes in a forest, and a German guard from the past is there to hear it...
1. Touchdown

A/N: Hello! I am BlueBassist and I have never written for Hogan's Heroes but it is my all-time favorite show, and I've been reading the stories on here for at least a year. This has been on my mind for a long time but I've never gotten up the gall to write it. It may not be realistic at some points, please forgive me. But I'm trying my best and writing for fun, not accuracy or money (this is my disclaimer). I hope you enjoy this, tell me what you think.

Here goes:

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Major Amy Karin was taking off from Wiesbaden Army Airfield in an F-22 raptor towards Iraq. She had been reassigned to some god-forsaken desert down there and was taking all of her stuff with her while moving the plane for the Air Force. When she got the clearing for take-off she put the jet into a slow climb, not wanting to waste fuel on a quick ascent. She'd barely cleared the edge of the field when a bright light illuminated the world around her cockpit and sound exploded in her ears. When things cleared up she had only a few second to look around before she realized her left wing had a ragged gouge in it, and she was losing altitude. She had been shot down over Germany.

She wasn't at a good enough height to effectively use a parachute so instead she tried her best to make a crash-landing with more landing to it than crash. Still, over a wooded area there's not much you can do to prevent damage. The plane's belly skidded on the ground and the wings plowed through trees until finally it stopped. Amy took off her helmet, let her hair down and ran her fingers through it. After screaming inside for a moment the adrenaline wore off and she felt like napping for a good long time. Instead she reached behind her and grabbed her olive drab duffel bag and popped the seal on the canopy.

Once on the ground she set off with her bag on her back and her helmet under her arm to find a town or road that would lead her back to base. Eventually she did find a road. It was a packed-dirt road, and on the other side of it was a sight that frightened her. 2 ten-foot tall chain-link and barbwire fences surrounded a field full of wooden huts. Men with bolt action rifles walked between them. A sound off to her left startled her.

A big German Shepherd leapt out of the bushes with a young man on the other end of its leash. The man was wearing a wool uniform and had a rifle but he didn't look very threatening. His left hand was occupied with holding his oversized helmet on and his rifle had fallen off his shoulder so that it now hung by its strap from his right elbow. Amy jumped up and went for the pistol she would normally have on her hip in situations like this, but it was supposed to have been a routine flight, and she hadn't worn it.

"Sit Max!" the young man said in a heavy German accent. It sounded more like a plea than a command, but the dog complied. He was finally able to bring his hands down and move his rifle into a semi-hostile position. The look on his face told of his confusion. "You are not a flyer! How did you get here?"

"I flew-"

"Never mind, I'll take you to the Kommandant. He will know what to do, I hope." He started to lead Amy towards the field full of huts but stopped and looked back again. "Is that a helmet?" He pointed towards the helmet under her arm.

"Yes."

"Could you put it on? This is an all-male camp, and some of the prisoners have not seen a woman in years. I don't want to excite them." She put her helmet back on over her head and contemplated what she was seeing as she followed the man with the dog. His uniforms looked like the ones in Band of Brothers, worn by the enemy. Being in Germany, this thought made her nervous, but only for a moment: time travel wasn't possible.

She followed him in through the gates and got a bunch of weird looks from men wearing similar uniforms to her man. He handed the dog off to one of them and the strange duo made their way up onto the porch of a wooden building. In a small office all of her previous thoughts were thrown out the window. On the desk there sat an old telephone, a pickelhaube helmet, and on the wall...a portrait of the one and only Adolf Hitler.

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Obviously since this is in the HH category, you know where Amy is at. Tell me what you think bitte.


	2. Placement

I'm sorry, I had to edit. So here it is again, somewhat different.

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"Colonel Hogan!" Carter shouted. "You'd better come take a look at this."

"What is it Carter?" Hogan asked none too excitedly.

"Langenscheidt just walked in with someone."

"A flyer?"

"I don't know Colonel, he's got on a flight suit but he's got a big funny-looking helmet on." Hogan walked over to the window in time to see the German Corporal escorting someone up the steps to the Kommandantur.

"Let's listen in and see who it is."

ooooo

At the desk sat a balding, skinny man with a monocle in his left eye.

"Yes, yes, what is it? I'm very busy" He glanced up with a look of annoyance but that quickly changed to one of shock. "What is on that man's head?" Amy was 5'9" and a flight suit wasn't all that flattering.

"A helmet, Herr Kommandant, and it is not a man." He gave Amy a pointed look indicating that she should take off the helmet. The 'Kommandant' gasped when her hair fell out the back and her feminine face was revealed. He was silent for a moment while he tried to figure out what to ask first. "Who are you?"

"Major Amy Karin, US Air Force."

"Air Force? A woman can not join the Air Force!" Amy had no answer for him. A woman could indeed join the Air Force, but not in the middle of World War II if her suspicions were true and that was where she was.

"What are we to do with you?" he paused for a long time. "How did you get here?"

"By plane." A thought occurred to this major, who was a stickler for rules. These men were German, and in World War II that means enemy. She was supposed to only give name rank and serial number.

"Where were you going?"

"Karin, Amy J., Major, TM41-"

"Oh, don't give me that!" the Kommandant smacked his desk in frustration. "You were answering before!" he pleaded. Amy stayed silent. "Well then. Since you have revealed that you are in the United States armed services in some way, you will remain here until we figure out what to do with you. Corporal, escort this lady to a solitary confinement cell." They started to leave. "Wait! Search her first." The Corporal took her duffel bag from her and sifted through it. He took out her pistol and layed it on the Kommandant's desk before returning her bag to her.

"And her person." At this the young man's cheeks reddened. He kneeled down and started at her feet, finding her survival knife and laying it on the desk. Luckily her iPhone, the only thing that would arouse curiosity besides her gender, was in her breast pocket; an area he surreptitiously avoided. "Remember this miss, you are in the toughest POW camp in all of Germany. Attempting to escape is futile. Diiisssmissed_._"

Soon she found herself in a barren cell, only furnished with a cot and a bucket. Dumping her stuff unceremoniously on the floor she did a lap around the room before resigning herself to the fact that she was just plain ol' stuck. Her brain started whirring with thoughts and ideas _1942?, How do I get back? He said POW camp, maybe there's some Allies here I can talk to._ But no matter what, she couldn't do anything at that moment. She'd have to wait until they let her out.

So Amy layed down and pulled out her iPhone. Music always soothed her nerves...

ooooo

_"A woman can not join the Air Force!"_ Hogan's men were seated around the coffeepot in the officer's barracks.

"What do you think this means Colonel?" Kinch asked what all the men were thinking. "A woman? And why would she go around saying she's in the US Army Air Force?"

"Oi, and even if she was that would not even explain what she was wearing." LeBeau voiced his opinion and everyone murmured in agreement.

"I don't know," Colonel Hogan unplugged the coffeepot after he heard Klink's decision, "But I'm gonna find out." He opened the door to his quarters and strode over to the hidden tunnel entrance that was Kinch's bunk.

He pushed up on the hatch covering the entrance to the woman's cell and looked around. He saw her strange helmet discarded next to the cot she was on along with her duffel bag. She was laying down with her back to him.

"Hey," he whispered loudly, but got no response. "Hey!" he tried again...nothing. He pulled himself up through the floor and walked over so he could see if she was sleeping or deaf. She had her eyes closed but her lips were twitching, mouthing words. He tapped her shoulder and her eyes shot open in surprise. She threw herself away from him and off the bunk while pulling two wires out of her ears, something he hadn't noticed while she was lying down.

"How'd you get in here?" she spoke loudly, too loudly for Hogan's comfort.

"The chimney, now could you keep it down?" Amy rolled her eyes but noticed the hole in the floor.

"I take it you're not supposed to be here." She pointed at his point of entry. He shook his head.

"So are you a lost WASP or something? WAC?" She noted the allied uniform he was wearing, then the eagles on his collar. Immediately she pulled herself into a crisp salute. No matter the year an eagle trumped an oak leaf cluster.

"Major Amy Karin, US Air Force." He gave her a sloppy salute back.

"You mean US Army Air Forces?"

"No sir, US Air Force. I don't think I'm where I'm supposed to be. Or when I'm supposed to be." The obviously American Colonel looked slightly confused.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm supposed to be flying towards Iraq right now, in the year 2010." At that he looked surprised at first, then skeptical.

"Did Langenscheidt find you in the loony bin?" She frowned. "Prove it." Amy thought for a moment. This would be hard to convince him of. Unless...

"Here look at this." She held up the iPhone she'd been listening to music on before he'd snuck up on her. "Put these in your ears." He looked wary but took the offered ear buds.

"They hurt." He complained.

"Just wait." She tapped the screen and hit play.

"AHH!" he yelped at the sudden sound but quickly calmed down and listened. Amy watched his thoughts through his facial expressions. Surprise, amazement, curiosity...enjoyment. Eventually he yanked the ear buds out.

"What is this?" He stuck out a hand to ask for the iPhone. She handed it to him. He looked at it for moment, turned it over and scanned it for any buttons or knobs and finally pressed the one right under the screen which zapped him back to the home screen. "The picture changed."

"Yeah, touch it." He tapped it and one of her many apps popped up.

"You can change what it looks like by touching it?"

"Yep, it's called an iPhone."

"Alright, I think I believe you." _Just wait until the boys hear about this._ "Follow me, I want my command crew to meet you."

* * *

Thank you, Jinzle, for your review. All though my stories aren't great quality, I am a bit of a perfectionist and couldn't let an identified error slide. I hope this is much better.


	3. Moved

Have fun, I'm enjoying myself. Thanks for all the reviews, they make me happy.

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Hogan's men were sitting around the table in the barracks when they heard a faint tapping coming from Kinch's bunk.

"Carter, get the door." LeBeau jumped up from his seat to open the tunnel. He peered over the railing and saw the Colonel looking up at him.

"LeBeau, have Olsen watch the door and tell the other three to get down here." His command was carried out and soon the whole team was clambering down the ladder to the dirt floor below. Once they'd all made impact and given their attention to Hogan, he signaled to Amy who was waiting around the corner.

"Cor blimey, it is a woman!" Newkirk exclaimed.

"Yes it is, and that's not the only thing. She's about sixty years younger than all of you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Carter asked.

"Boys, we have a time traveler here, she says she's from 2010."

Newkirk was always the sarcastic one, "Did she bump her head on the way in?"

"And I believe her." The small room exploded with comments, "Now hold it down a minute it." Hogan motioned for quiet, "Show 'em your thing-a-ma-bob." Amy took out the iPhone and took a picture of the men in front of her, then turned it around for them to see.

"Hey now, that thing could come in handy." Kinch spoke up. "Where'd you get it?"

"Wal-Mart." After some strange looks she explained. "It's a super market a guy founded in the 1960s."

"Wow, you really are from the future!" the boy from Bull Frog North Dakota was amazed, along with everyone else.

"Colonel Hogan! Klink is coming!" Olsen shouted down the hole.

"Quick upstairs. Major, can you find your way back to your cell?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then do so." Hogan jogged over to join his men in scrambling up the ladder.

"Colonel Hogan!" Klink walked in not a second after the entrance was sealed. "I need to speak with you in private." He motioned towards Hogan's quarters. Once they were seated inside the little plywood room he began.

"Tell me Hogan, does your military let women fly in planes?"

"Kommandant I can't-"

"Oh come on."

"Yes, sir. We have the Women Airforce Service Pilots. They move our planes across the country."

"Hmm. What about to Germany?"

"Not as far as I know, sir." Klink seemed to ponder it for a moment.

"Hogan, we have a new prisoner. Langenscheidt captured her right outside the wire."

"Her, sir?" Hogan caught Klink's slip up and acted surprised so as not to make one of his own.

"Yes it is a woman. What do you make of that?"

"I don't know, maybe she missed the runway in New York?" Klink frowned.

"In any case, her dog tags and insignia show her to be a Major. I wondered what you thought about her bunking here, in the officer's quarters. It is better than the cooler." It was Hogan's turn to do the frowning. He wasn't sure he wanted her in such close quarters with the rest of the POWs. He wouldn't do anything, nor would any of his team members, but your average enlisted man who'd been stuck here for three years without any contact with women, that was a different story. Of course she was an officer, that had to say something for her ability to take care of herself.

"I guess it'll be alright Kommandant. I agree that it is better than the cooler."

"Good, I'll have Schultz bring her over."

ooooo

Amy found herself being taken from the cooler by a very friendly man, also very fat for a soldier. He had told her to gather up her belongings and then took her out into the prison compound she'd crossed earlier. Now she knew about the network of tunnels weaving underneath.

The man took her into a small wooden building and directed her to a separate room, rather quickly once the wolf-whistles, and murmurs of surprise, started up. Inside the tiny room was two bunks, a desk, and the Colonel who had met her in the jail cell, Colonel Hogan.

"Thanks Schultz, just leave it here."

"Colonel Hogan, that is no way to speak to a lady." Schultz said in a disapproving tone.

"It's okay...Schultz, is it?"

"Yes, I will leave you now." Once he had left Colonel Hogan spoke.

"I'll have to talk to the rest of the men."

"I understand sir."

"Might as well start desensitizing them to you now. Once you get your things put away you should come mingle at the table. If anyone besides the four men you met earlier ask you questions about why you're here, ignore them or something, just don't tell the truth."

"Yes, sir. Top or bottom?"

"Huh?"

"Which bunk should I use, top or bottom?"

"Oh, I usually sleep up top." Hogan left the room and wandered over to the stove to get a cup of coffee. After he'd taken a few sips he noticed he had the attention of every man in the barracks.

"Well sir?" one of the soldiers spoke up.

"I guess you noticed our unique prisoner." Murmurs and nods of agreement, along with more than a few snickers at whispered jokes, spread across the room. "You might not of noticed that she is an officer. This means hands off, leave her alone. Friendly conversation is fine, but leave it at that." He heard a door shut behind him and the room returned to silence.

Amy looked around at all the eyes trained on her. She gave them an awkward wave while seating herself at the picnic table.

"Colonel can I see you for a minute?" Kinch was the first to break the silence. He gave a pointed look towards Hogan's office, now Hogan's and the woman's.

"Sure Kinch." Came the reply, and both men moved out of the room.

"Colonel, I've been thinking," Hogan gave him a mischievous look that foretold of a sarcastic comment but Kinch continued before he could say anything, which was unusual for the usually quiet radio operator. "She could be of some use to our 'Operation', but she could also be a spy. Remember Schultz's girl, or Gretchen?"

"I've thought of that Kinch, but even the Krauts aren't stupid enough to attempt to plant a female spy in an all male POW camp under the story of her being a downed pilot. After all, when you're spying you're not supposed to draw attention."

"Well then, she could be very useful, I think we should find out what her skills are."

"I think you're right. With only LeBeau's singing to hold the attention of the Brass when we put on a show, if she just stood on stage she'd be an improvement. "*

* * *

*Episodes "Praise the Fuhrer and Pass the Ammunition" and "Don't Forget To Write"

Please review! Those are nice.


	4. Properly Introduced

Here's the fourth chapter. I'm having fun, thanks for the reviews.

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"So," someone finally broke the awkward silence, that had persisted since Hogan and Kinch left the room five minutes ago, by sitting down across from Amy. "You think Babe Ruth will lead the Red Sox to the World Series this year?"

"Ha, I don't watch baseball, but I do know that Babe Ruth was a Yankee." Amy replied. Hopefully they wouldn't delve too deep into "current" events. She didn't notice Kinch approaching until he plopped down next to her on the bench.

"Don't worry about testing her Olsen, the Colonel says she's clear." Amy gave him a look that clearly said 'thank you'.

Olsen nodded and continued the conversation with less purpose. "Well, where are you from?"

"Kentucky."

"Oh, do you have horses then?" Olsen grinned.

"No, but I've ridden them often. I actually took lessons for a little while."

"How about tobacco? If you brought any of that with you I'm sure the

boys here would appreciate it." A few listeners made known their agreement. Amy smirked but denied their wish. Tobacco was gross, in the field, smoked, dipped ...most any form. The only thing good about it was the smell when you walked past a barn full of it. But in the 1940s they probably weren't concerned about the effects of tobacco on your health.

"Actually, I don't think I've even caught your name."

"Major Amy Karin."

"Sergeant Olsen, pleased to meet you." He extended a hand for Amy to shake.

Awkward silence prevailed yet again until Hogan returned from his office. "Major, can I see you in here for a minute?" Amy gladly stood and went back into the little plywood room.

"Do you know how you got here?" Amy shook her head.

"Not really, One minute I was flying then I was falling. There was a big bang and I noticed my left wing had taken damage and I started going down. I don't know what caused it or why that would shoot me back sixty plus years."

"Hmm." That hadn't been the answer Hogan was hoping for. "I assume you are wanting to go back?" she nodded. "I'll think about it." he paused and she watched him thinking. Soon he wore a look of slight alarm, "Is your plane still out there?"

She raised an eyebrow, "I assume so." It hadn't gotten up and flown away, not with one wing.

"We need to hide it. If your telephone is any kind of indication of future technology, we can't let the Germans find it." The truth in his words struck home. There was the world's most advanced fighter jet sitting right in the Germans' lap in a time where jet planes are only barely starting to be experimented with, but a Raptor in the tunnels?

Hogan read the look on her face and smirked, "Don't worry, we've done this before. We'll wait 'til night time and head out with a few wrenches, assuming you still use nuts and bolts." It was Amy's turn to smirk. "Well we do have some other things to discuss." He opened the door for her. "Merry Men, take the Major to the tunnel." He ordered, and provoked grins from a few. They seemed to know he meant the four she'd met in the tunnels earlier because they were the only ones that rose and approached the bunk, which turned out to be another tunnel entrance.

Once the group had gathered once again and seated themselves in a small room Hogan spoke. "All right, now we can talk, introductions first. That's Corporal Newkirk, Corporal LeBeau, Sergeant Kinchloe, and Sergeant Carter." He pointed to each man when he said his name. "Kinch is the electronics man, Carter, demolitions, LeBeau is the chef, and Newkirk is the scoundrel. He does all the thieving, forging, and safe-cracking." Newkirk waved with a wiggle of his 'magic fingers' and smiled with a hint of mischief in his eyes.

"And that's Colonel Hogan. He's the idea man. He's really smart, you know. There was this one time when-"

"Carter," Hogan complained, "Now we want to know what your skills are."

"What kind of skills? Like 'I can spit farther, jump higher, and run faster than any boy I know.'" Hogan rolled his eyes.

"We're an underground unit. We do sabotage, steal information, and get people out of Germany. How can you contribute?"

"Well...obviously I'm military, I know how to fight." Not a very lady like quality, it drew some frowns. "I can ride a horse, swim," she felt like she was filling out one of those papers high school teachers handed out on the first day of school. "My dad taught me some plumbing and electric stuff, and I was in FFA so I can do woodworking and welding-"

"Hey, I was in FFA!" Carter interrupted. "I've still got my jacket at home!"

"Carter, let the poor lady finish." Newkirk cut him off. Amy, though, was delighted to find she had something in common with a man from almost seventy years ago. She smiled and gave him a wink that said 'we'll talk later'.

"Ah, I'm good at memorizing stuff, and I play the bass. That's about it. If you want me to learn anything I'm good at that too." The Colonel was nodding his head and looked pretty satisfied.

"Hmm, there's a few things we could use you for. I want to ask, what do all of you think about letting the boys in the barracks your little secret? They're trustworthy."

"I don't have any qualms about it, sir."

"Good, then they can help get the plane in."

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Yes, the bass playing author (who can play the bass line to the Hogan's Heroes theme song I might add *sniff*) had to pass it to their OC. :D

Review Please, it's much appreciated


	5. Music, the Universal Language

A/N: Here's the next installment. Took me a while, had a bit of writer's block. Hope I did well.

Slytherin Dragoon: Yeah I did know that, learned it on 's trivia game. It felt especially cool to think I was playing music with Colonel Hogan.

Please Review, on with the show...

* * *

The crew returned to the barracks and took places around the table. The smell of cigarettes was starting to give Amy a headache.

"Men, we've got a mission tonight." Heads popped up from their places on pillows and in books. "We've got another plane to take apart and get in the tunnel. We have to be careful with the equipment, it's probably something you'll have never seen before." This piqued their interest. "Major, would you like to describe it?"

"Ah, sure, sir" he caught her off guard. "It's pretty big, twice as long as a P-51, twelve feet shorter than a B-17. It's a gray color, it has swept wings, and no propellers."

"No propellers? Did they fall off when you went down?"

"That's something else I wanted to tell you boys, and it's not to leave this barracks, ever. Even if we win the war and you get to tell your folks what you did here you can't ever mention this. The major here got hit in 2010 and landed here and now, she's from the future." The men looked skeptical then laughed, not wanting to be the ones gullible enough to believe the obvious prank.

"Funny-"

"You're crazy-"

"Good one-" comments filled the room. Amy knew they'd need some reinforcement so she was busy looking up a video on youtube with her iPhone. Funny, no towers built yet, but the signal came through. Crazy stuff that quantum physics. She soon found what she was looking for.

"_We're in the army now..._" All voices stopped as music from flutes, snare drums, and trumpets filled the room, all from the little black rectangle in Amy's hand. "_We're not behind a plow..._" Then suddenly it was drowned out again with a flurry of questions. Hogan held up a hand.

"Thank you, now, be ready for tonight"

Once Hogan had left the room Amy found herself quickly surrounded by curious faces and bombarded with questions. She waited for them to calm down and once she could distinguish one question from the others she tried to answer it.

"What's the future like?" a dark-haired man asked.

"I don't know, it just is." The frown on the man's face indicated that he was disappointed with that answer. "Well for one thing smoking has definitely fallen out of popularity." She held her nose dramatically and gave Newkirk, who was sucking on a cigarette, a pointed look. He blushed. "It's bad for you. Lung cancer, asthma, heart disease, birth defects...anyways...the cars run cleaner, less smog."

"Are there flying cars, and jet packs?" another man asked excitedly. Amy giggled.

"No, no flying cars. Jetpacks, well, they're around but they can't go very far. It's not something you'd have sitting in your garage. But there is some cool stuff, like the internet." She pulled out her phone again and let them watch over her shoulder while she pulled up a picture of a B-17 with its crew lined up in front of it. Then she searched again and found a picture of the F-22 next to a Mustang in the air. This particular one showed a Mustang, Eagle, Falcon, and Raptor all in formation together.

"How are those three staying in the air?" Carter pointed to the three modern jets.

"Jet engines. They suck air in to burn fuel inside of it, and then push it out the back to provide thrust. In another twenty or thirty years from now they build one that can go 2200 mph." His eyebrows shot up to hide under his old, beat-up cap. At that moment the big guard, Schultz, burst through the door.

"Rollll callll" he bellowed, "Everybody raus, schnell." Everyone slunk from their positions past Schultz with grumbled complaints, Amy followed them out. She took note of the increasing rank as she walked to her right and stood next to Sergeant Kinchloe.

She couldn't help smiling while she watched the prisoners mess with Schultz to relieve their boredom.

"Repooooort!" the tall, lanky, German Kommandant strode down the porch steps. Sergeant Schultz gave a crisp salute.

"All present and accounted for Herr Kommandant." He sounded relieved to Amy.

"Prisoners, you may have noticed you have a new inmate in your midst." Klink held his riding crop tightly under his arm and squinted at the formation through his monocle. He looked as if he pitied the poor men who thought they could beat the 'Glorious Third Reich'. "Just another victim of our German superiority. You might inform her of the uselessness of escape attempts. No one has ever escaped from Stalag 13, it is like a solid band of steel." He pumped his right fist to further express his meaning.

When Klink dismissed Schultz and turned back to his office, everyone returned to the Barracks.

"So how 'bout some music Major? Can your doodad pull up some tunes?"

"Sure, you think about what you want to hear and I'll be right back." She went back to the officer's quarters to retrieve her phone case, which had speakers in it. It had been buried in the articles of clothing Langenscheidt had "missed". Lucky for her he was a virtuous young man.

"Can you play one of the Andrews Sisters' songs?" Hogan asked. He was standing next to the table. Amy's thumbs went to work and she soon found a video of "Boogie-woogie Bugle Boy". Music played loudly from the speakers and held out the screen for Hogan to watch since he was the one who requested it.

A big grin split his face, "Hey, I didn't know it showed movies!" Of course Hogan would be the one to find out about future technology and already be caught up enough to have expectations for it. He soon devoted his attention to the screen to watch the three girls in uniforms dance about with a bunch of GIs. Quite a few stood in a position so they could look over his shoulder.

"Show us some new songs." Carter spoke up a few minutes later after the number of requests had tapered off. "I mean ones that haven't been written yet. Or well I guess they have been written but I haven't heard them. No one has heard them. Except maybe you-"

"Carter, I get it." Amy held up a hand and wore an amused smile while she thought of a song. _Maybe Newkirk'll get a kick out of this._

"_Here comes the sun_" the Beatles smooth sound rang out.

"These guys were British, they were called the Beatles. England pretty much started this whole 'Rock and Roll' movement they called the 'British Invasion'."

Newkirk grinned. "So we finally got a hold on you Yanks."

* * *

Tell me what you thought. There's a handy button for it just down and to the right, can't miss it.


	6. Sneak

A/N: I still don't own Hogan's Heroes in case you were wondering, unfortunately.

To all who complain that I'm breaking the time travelling rules: yes, I am. But since time travelling isn't real, who says that these rules have to stay? This is rhetoric, the main reason I'm skipping over the 'rules' is because this story is more about comparing 2010 to 1943 than the rules and methods of time travelling. Since Amy isn't really a pilot in the air force gone back in time to a POW camp (TV show) I move to suspend the rules. Do I have a second?

Please read and review, makes me happy.

* * *

Dust. In front of Amy's nose on the wooden rung, in the air, and on LeBeau's boots, which were holding onto his feet while perched on the ladder rung above her. She held her breath to keep from sneezing. A passing guard would probably be a little confused-and, more important: curious-if a tree stump sneezed.

In one quick movement, LeBeau had lifted the lid of the stump and thrown himself over the edge before Amy had even noticed him making a go for it. A few seconds later he looked back down and signaled for her to do the same. After tripping over a few branches, and narrowly avoiding the spotlight, Amy fell into the bush that Hogan was hiding behind.  
He looked a little perturbed at her lack of grace and stealth. "Be a little more careful, would you Major?" She nodded. "All right, lead me to this plane." A whole group of men started walking with them, but one peeled off every few feet to form an assembly line through the woods. Soon it was just her and Hogan.

It was just a few yards away after Carter slinked into hiding that they found the crash site. Hogan whistled through his teeth. The huge silver bird had acquired quite a few dents when it pushed the trees out of the way. I didn't look like anything he had ever flown, and didn't look as awe inspiring, he thought.

"Let's get to work." He whistled to Carter, who came forward with a hammer, assorted screwdrivers, wrenches, and a crowbar. Where he had gotten that, not even Hogan knew. The men worked until someone pointed out that it was four o'clock in the morning and they still had to clean up.

Back in the tunnels there was a huge pile of gray metal, and a lot of the plane was still sitting out there. Amy hopped down the ladder and absent-mindedly brushed off her coveralls with her hands. When she saw the remains of her plane she froze in place. That was her escape, lying there on the floor in pieces. Her freedom was in shambles, and it finally penetrated through routine to the deep-thinking part of her brain. Nineteen forty...something! And she was sitting in a German POW camp, with absolutely no way to get back to her time.

She stumbled backwards but Kinch steadied her before she could fall. "Are you alright, Major?" he asked.

"F-fine." she stuttered back. "I just realized..." she let the sentence wither. Kinch understood, as best as he could without ever having traveled in time, and patted her on the back. "It'll be okay. Maybe Colonel Hogan will figure something out. If not, you are absolutely safe here." She nodded slightly and drug herself to the other end of the tunnel, where she handed Newkirk the cap they'd provided to cover her blond hair, and washed the grease paint off her face in the bowl of water there.

ooooo

"Coffee?" LeBeau offered while pouring himself a mug. Amy nodded vigorously. She was going to need it if she was to stay awake the rest of the day. She'd decided to just wait for roll call at the table, instead of going to bed. She'd just have to get up a few minutes later anyway.

Soon she was sipping a warm but bitter brew out of a chipped mug. _Lead poisoning_ crossed her mind, but she was too tired to care. "Thank you."

" 'ere comes the ol' barrage balloon." Newkirk was watching lazily out the window from his bunk.

Sure enough the door swung open soon after, and slammed into the lockers on the other side. "Rolllll Callll!" Schultz was banging on bunk frames, much to everyone's chagrin. He'd made enough noise getting in. "Everybody up, up, up, up, up. Raus! Schnell!" The men slid off their bunks with bleary eyes and crept to the door. It had been a long night.

Once lined up, roll call went quickly. As soon as Klink had been assured that everyone was 'present, and accounted for' he let them go. Hogan caught her at the door. "You haven't been shown around yet have you? The camp I mean."

"No sir."

"Well, I thought I cold shower would help keep you awake, but you wouldn't know how to get there. Carter!" he shouted over her shoulder.

The young sergeant popped his head around the doorframe. "Yes sir?"

"Give the major a tour of camp." He redirected his attention again, "Once he finishes the tour you can come back and get your stuff for a shower." Amy came to attention and saluted in response, but Hogan half saluted, half waved it off. Soon Carter was by her side, gladly narrating their journey.

After about an hour of walking with Carter she knew where every building was, and every story about it known to man. When they finally got back to barracks 2 she walked directly to the officers quarters to retrieve her things for a shower. After pushing open the door she thought she heard the Kommandant's voice for a split second, before Hogan's men scrambled to clear something off of his desk.

Hogan whirled around to use his gift of speech to waylay any suspicion. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw Amy. "Oh, It's just you. Give us a warning next time will you?" Amy looked confused, but it started to dawn on her what was going on when Kinch hooked the coffeepot back up.

"_Yes general, you always have your eye on me." _Klink's voice buzzed through the little speaker. To Amy this was more amazing than her iPhone. A bug in the Kommandant's office, built by prisoners. _"You'll be coming tomorrow to inspect again, yes sir. Heil Hitler"_

"Coming for another meal of French cuisine that is." Hogan quipped and grinned at LeBeau. Everyone chuckled while Hogan unplugged the pot again. Amy remembered what she had come in for and turned back to the bunk to get her things before slipping out with the rest of the men.

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So tell me what you think. The button is this way -


	7. Update

A/N: I'm sorry for two things: One, I haven't updated in a bajillion years. This is because school has weighed me down with multiple big projects at once, all coming due around the same time. Two, this chapter is insanely short. And I do mean SHORT! Only 300 or so words. :( But on top of my schooling I have writer's block. This is here mainly to let my readers (if I have any left) know that I still exist and I plan on continuing this story, just not very quickly. So if you like this story but followed it only by reading it when it popped up on the front screen, you might think about putting this on your alert list. Chapters will be sparse until Winter Break.

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"Excuse me, Schultz" Amy got the big guard's attention, "Could you do me a favor?"

He looked wary, "What is it Major? Colonel Hogan doesn't have you doing monkey business now too, does he?"

"I don't think so Sergeant, I just need you to guard the showers for me."

"Why should I do that?" She looked at him expectantly, hoping he'd catch on without her having to explain. "Oh! Of course Major!"

He shuffled along beside her until they reached the showerhouse, where he waited at the door. Once Amy was sure she'd have no intruders she stripped down and stepped under one of the showerheads. The water was ice cold and woke her up abruptly.

ooooo

Dressed in her PT shorts and a T-shirt Amy took all of her stuff back to the barracks, including her dirty coveralls. After returning her belongings to her bag she rejoined the men in the common room. It took her a few minutes to notice that some of them were missing.

"LeBeau, where is everybody." She asked the Frenchman who was playing cards with Newkirk.

"They are out bringing in more of your plane. Newkirk and I would be helping, but the colonel needs us here to distract any unexpected visitors."

"Hmmm." Amy nodded and slid onto the bench. She watched Newkirk's handful of cards change as the game went on while she let her mind wander. "Who is this Burkhalter fellow?"

"A fat general. He shows up every once in a while to try to get a meal." LeBeau snorted in contempt.

"What will he do if he sees me here tomorrow?" Silence followed.

"You've got a point there." Newkirk spoke up, "I think I'll bring that to the Colonel's attention when he gets back."

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Thanks for sticking with me. Sorry about the length of the chapter and the length of time it took me to get it here. If you can find something in this chapter worth leaving a review for, please do so. I would enjoy it, even though there isn't much here to comment on.


	8. A Plan

A/N: Here I am again, after another extended delay. I think I finally have a plan for the rest of the story, so we'll see how it goes. Thanks for taking the time to read this, please take the time to review too, I really appreciate it.

Also, even after all these months, I still don't own Hogan's Heroes. How 'bout that?

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"I've thought of that too. If I can convince Klink that telling Burkhalter about the major would be a bad thing, we should be in the clear on that front." Hogan had returned to the barracks with the rest of the men around noon. They had finally finished bringing in the plane and came back for lunch. "In fact, I think I'll go work on him now."

"Do you think he can do it?" Amy asked Newkirk after Hogan had left.

"Are you kidding? The Colonel could convince Klink into thinking that Hitler's a girl. Just leave it to him, no worries."

"How does he do it?"

"You wanna listen in?" Carter asked excitedly. "We've got the coffeepot ready all the time. Like I was telling you before, the Colonel's really smart, and if he wasn't around well golly I don't know what-"

"Carter, why don't you get moving and save our ears?" Newkirk cut him off.

ooooo

"Colonel Hogan here to see you sir." Hilda announced Hogan's presence to Klink.

"Tell him I'm not here."

"Just came to talk with you sir." Hogan pushed past Hilda into Klink's office. "I heard that General Burkhalter was coming to visit." Hogan had Klink's attention now.

"Who told you that? Schultz?" He just nodded in response.

"And I came to offer LeBeau's services as a chef." Hogan responded while holding his cap in his hands.

"Now why would you do that for me?" Klink practically whined at the start of a new confusing session with Hogan.

"Well sir, I thought, if you treat the general to a fancy dinner, maybe with a pretty fraulein involved, you just might be put in for a promotion." Klink seemed to ponder it for a moment.

"Why would you care if I got promoted?" he asked with skepticism.

"It's a matter of pride sir. The boys are starting to get embarrassed with you being a colonel for so long." Klink frowned. "Now if you had LeBeau cook, and find a pretty girl in town to accompany you two officers at dinner-"

"Impossible." Klink interrupted.

"Why?"

"Well, Hilda already has plans, I've asked, and most of the girls in town are already taken for the moment. A panzer unit just returned from the Russian Front, and they all needed someone to warm them up, if you know what I mean." Hogan grinned, but Klink continued. "And all the others, I have already spoken to, and been rejected by." Klink said dejectedly.

"Well what about the major?"

"Hochstetter?"

"No! The female major that is currently residing in your camp."

"That is ridiculous, the general would not want to be in the company of prisoners, no offense Hogan."

"Don't tell him she's a prisoner! If you could get hold of a dress, and convince Hilda to help clean her up, you'd have quite a woman there to sit with the general." Klink looked skeptical again. "Just think, one dinner, and you get a new red stripe for your pants."

"Alright. Tell the major that I order her to eat dinner with us. And if she doesn't, she'll be shot!"

"You know Kommandant? I don't see how all those other girls turned you down. You really know how to treat a lady."

"Disssmisssed!"

ooooo

"Sir?" Amy asked when Hogan returned from the Kommandantur. "Why did you do that?"

"Don't worry major, it's for the best. It won't be that bad anyways."

"You want me to have dinner with two German officers! What am I supposed to talk about? Politics?"

"No," Hogan chuckled, "tell them you're a musician or something. It doesn't matter."

"Colonel, I'm not sure I know how to behave. I am sure that Etiquette for a woman has changed somewhat over the years."

"You'll be fine. Hilda we'll help to doll you up, and then you'll just eat and talk. No problem."

"Yes sir."

"Good. At least you're well practiced in military etiquette. I think these boys could learn a thing or two from you."

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A/N: I'm not sure about etiquette for women in the 1940s. If anyone has any information they could give me, I would appreciate it. Please leave a review. Thanks.


	9. Getting There Is Half the Fun

A/N: Quickest update in a while! Here's another chapter to hold you over 'til dinner. Also, I thought I'd share this with you HH fans, I was at the Boone County Extension Office a while back (Boone County is right across the river from Cincinnati) and imagine my delight when I see that the president of the local Homemakers Association in 1948 was a Mrs. Hilda Hogan. I couldn't make this up if I wanted to. I love coincidences.

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A woman? Yes. A lady? Not really. The major had mentioned that etiquette had changed and Hogan couldn't get it off of his mind. She showed up in coveralls, and came back from the showers wearing shorts and an undershirt! Not a skirt or a dress to be seen. Plus, if there was any difference between a pilot and a grunt, much less a civilian, then she definitely wasn't soft-spoken and otherwise lady-like. Maybe the major was right; this dinner could be a problem.

When night fell again and the two officers were in their bunks Hogan voiced his concerns. "Major?"

"Yes Colonel?" Amy whispered from the lower bunk.

"I was thinking about what you said today, about your manners being…I guess a little too up-to-date."

"Yes, sir."

"You don't have to be so military all the time." Hogan realized that he'd complimented her on it before. "I just got a kick out of it earlier. We really aren't too concerned with protocol around here."

"Okay."

"Anyways, you are very military, and military isn't lady-like." He paused, hoping that he hadn't offended her. "I think tomorrow we'll work on you."

"Yes, sir." Hogan inwardly face-palmed. This was going to be harder than he'd expected.

ooooo

"How's it going LeBeau?" Hogan asked the next morning.

"Well, she's great with a book on her head, fine posture, but she is too fearless." The Frenchman answered.

"How do you mean?"

"Felix got loose again and she helped us to catch him."

"Gotchya." Hogan watched Amy playing cards with Newkirk. She reminded him of the flappers of the prohibition years.

"She can be quiet, but when asked to speak, she does not honey-coat her opinion." He added.

"Hmm. Well, keep working on it. I'm going to go speak with Hilda about helping the major to 'powder her nose'."

Hogan left the barracks and LeBeau returned to the major's side.

"Now, madam, when you eat, you must use the correct silverware. Always start with the silverware farthest from your plate, and work inwards with each course." Amy put her cards down as a sign of respect, but kept an eye on them. In just a day or so she'd picked up on Newkirk's bad habits.

"Never cut your meat with your fork, or stuff your napkin in your collar. When you eat soup, move your spoon away from you, and sip from the side of it. Don't put the whole thing in your mouth."

"Goodness, with all these rules, you'd be hard pressed to find time to eat." Amy said jokingly.

"You got that right! Now let us get on with our game, Louis." Newkirk interjected.

"Colonel's orders Newkirk. I have to teach the major how to behave at dinner so she doesn't arouse suspicion."

"And I appreciate it LeBeau. I'll try my best to be quiet and sweet." Amy said as she laid down another card.

"Gin!" Newkirk exclaimed.

"You son of a gun."

ooooo

"Ugh, I hate skirts." Amy expressed her disgust while slipping into her 1940s era clothes.

"What do you normally wear then?" Hilda, who looked quite confused

"Oh, nothing." Amy said as a dismissal, rather than an answer.

"Nothing?"

"I mean-just forget I said anything."

"Here, try on this jacket." Hilda held up a tailored-looking jacket with big shoulder pads and Amy inwardly sighed.

Once Amy finished getting dressed Hilda led her into the Kommandant's bathroom to fix her hair and makeup. Her lipstick could stop traffic, and the tools Hilda used in her hair about made her sweat, but when she was finished, she decided that she didn't look half bad for trying to fit in in the forties.

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A/N: Alright tell me what you think. I hope I didn't get any of my information wrong. If anyone has any more info on 40s etiquette, I'd appreciate it. Please leave a review.


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